Prologue

So many thoughts spinning around in my mind that I can't put into words. I feel so indifferent to all that's happening around me. May be because there aren't many now to share my everyday experiences at a personal level. But things are moving now at a brisk pace and in few days or so I will be landing in an alien country. And this time there's no assurance that I can visit my home whenever I want. The feeling that I wont be able to come back for a long time is freaking me out. I can only hope that I might find a home away from home in a far far land even though the probability of that happening is less than zero. The voice in my head keeps growing stronger and stronger, but I'm utterly unable to interpret a single thing. The longer I drift away in my thoughts the more it gets blurred. I feel that I might never be able to wake up from this eternal dizziness.,

But the stage is set and the preparations are over. And in the beginning its never clear.,

The Door and The Fall

And for a moment, everything was pitch black.

I kept waiting for something to happen without making any conscious effort. Not being able to see anything made me blind in all sensual ways. At that point in time, I didn't know whether my mind was working or not. After a few minutes I heard someone gently knocking. Without much thought I walked towards the direction of that noise. ‘EXIT’ written in big red capital words on top of that door, it seemed to be the most soothing word in English language. I slowly opened the door. Light came rushing in.

The bright light had blinded me for a second which made it much difficult to see what’s on the other side. I dared to step through the door without vexing myself much about the consequences. I heard some lean voice shouting from below which sent shrills up my spine. I grimly looked around hoping something would happen. I wondered for one brief second “Where the fuck am I, Is this some kind of dream or what”. Wandering aimlessly in there I got on an empty escalator. The light seemed to fade away and blurry figures started to appear all over the place. I took my glasses from the cupboard right next to me. The place seemed to be like some kind of subway station. I made a failed attempt to read the signboard between its blinks. With a loud whistle, a train at a vey high speed came towards the platform. I fixed my both eyes on the train, steadily staring at it. My phone just gave a vibe, and it was those stupid guys from Idea. The train I was staring at was no longer there, so I put on some music and sat comfortably. The view from the window was so nice with all the moving fields and trees. “Tickets please”, a husky voice asked me. I checked my pockets as if I had something in there. I shook my head. I was staring blankly at him, speechless as I mentally reviewed the best action to take. He switched off the lights and gently said, “Have a good day”.

All of a sudden I realized that I am freely falling under the influence of gravity inside a tunnel like structure. To my left, I saw a door with exit written in big red capital words. I desperately knocked at the locked door. The gravity couldn’t let me stay there for a long time and again the fall continues. From a distance, I saw someone had opened the door finally. My speed kept on increasing and I questioned myself whether this has an end or not. I tried shouting loudly for help but I heard nothing, not even my voice. The kaleidoscopic imagery surrounding made me all dizzy. I saw light fading away and converging at the shadowy bottom. I closed my eyes in fear.

And for a moment, everything was pitch black.

Friday The 13th

Having seen some of the movies in the Friday The 13th franchise, I am also among those who believe that it is a day of losses. As my birthday on 15th I decided to go home on the greatest Friday from Bangalore without any reservation. My Friday 13th went like this...

[$$@@!!].....Everything has been extremely exaggerated here.....[!!@@#$$]

Running low on cash, I decided to go to nearest aTm for withdrawing some bucks and snap came reply "Unable to Process Transaction". As I am having enough to complete my journey I boarded on a bus thats going to majestic. I believe that if we remove all the empty space in the bus, it would form a 1mX1m area probably. May be due to some wrong calculation, one just fell off from the bus (I think he did it intentionally..). Finally I reached Majestic...one hr long journey in 1sqm area!!. I went to the reservation counter to check for any buses, There the number again saying that "No seats to ... ". Disappointingly I went to the platform to check any buses and a deluxe bus stood like a angel. Hesitatingly I asked the conductor of the bus for any empty seats where a simple laugh was the only reply. Slowly he told me that we are about to start and one seat is still empty...I asked how much...@!#...Oh Snap!! I need to go to aTm now. I came back from the aTm only to find that my bus left. Then came "Garuda" (proud Volvo bus service from aP). Again I went to the conductor...ohh sorry Captain of the bus and asked about any empty seats. But this reply was horrible asking me to get out of the bus in a very soothing way, then some one just dragged me telling that he can get me a seat in the bus but it will take a little bit more..he means almost double.

Finally I reached my place which is 3km away from where the bus dropped me only to find that there's nothing to take me home. Somehow I reached home in despair that Friday The 13th showed its true color to me.

The Butterfly Effect

It’s been very hard to settle into writing something for this blog in past weeks. Every time I sit down to cobble some words to the page, they seem trite and superficial. How do you confine great, empty feelings of loss into mere words?

The loss I am talking about is so obvious for anyone who lives in roorkee. As I said I cant express my loss in words..I need something else....hmm....or may be....

Its Just Simply Banal and So Boring.

Last night I watched "The Butterfly Effect" for the 5th time and I am gonna talk a little about it. In true mathematical sense Butterfly Effect relates to the sensitive dependance on initial conditions in Choas theory. But I believe what the film depicted is much more interesting, may not be intriguing. It talks about a person who frequently goes to back his past eventually changing his future..I mean his present.

This movie made me so pathetic that I was all the time thinking about the wrong decisions I made in my life hoping for a chance to travel in time and alter my past, which may then alter my present.

May be reading this stupid blog may also alter your future. If you find this blog dreary eventually you may lose interest in blogging and your blog will simply become a hell to sort out like this one. And if you find this in an other way...I guess you wont....Then simply wish to go back to the moment that you are about to click the link...